dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
