you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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