I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
