So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
