I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
