I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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