Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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