Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
