I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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