Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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