"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
