So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
