she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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