My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
