I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
