ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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