quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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