you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Drunk is not a location!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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