12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
