Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
