hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
