fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
