Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Everclear isn't food dammit
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
