I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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