I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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