it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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