dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
people are starting to question the shark bite story
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
