Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
