I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
