is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The beer is more important than you right now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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