So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Mom said you looked used
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
