I wish I could teleport
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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