my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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