I feel great
I just peed on a car
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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