i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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