he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
