How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
