I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
