How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
