what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
