Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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