see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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