hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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