Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
