bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
