so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
