These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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