There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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