Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
