I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
