i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
