His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
