not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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